…The Musings of a Strange Guy


Sometimes I get this exhilarating feeling that my mind is expanding – expanding so much that I completely leave this body. My sense of self then starts to encompass the whole world around me. Nothing seems impossible then; nothing seems beyond bounds to me…
I felt like this today, after a long, long time. It suddenly felt so strange to smile, to breathe in deeply and think, “I am.”

Ah..but my thoughts run much quicker than my fingers on the keyboard. “As swift as thought”, I think one Upanishad states. This is why all my attempts so far at keeping a regular journal have failed. New thoughts, sensations, feelings are always coursing through my mind at all times. What remains to write down, most of the time, are mere memories of those significant moments…an aftertaste…residual feeling that still leaves me tingling and aching for more. You can make and unmake entire universes in your mind.

It is now dark outside; I didn’t even see it coming, even though I’ve opened my windows and drawn the curtains. In spite of the low temperature, it does not really seem like winter here, or at least their notion of winter. I had this paranoid sensation that maybe I was causing this. It actually snowed here only once, and that was on the 31st of December; it snowed heavily and for quite a long time. Incidentally, I wasn’t here that day. I was in Manchester. Since I came back, everywhere is so bright and sunny again. My Vietnamese flatmate thinks I’m keeping the bad weather away.

Ah well…

I ought to have gone to the site office to check if my book has come by mail or not. But I’m now feeling a bit lazy. Yesterday’s dinner was wonderful and filled me up nicely. Tonight, since I did not buy any bread (feeling guilty), perhaps some pasta or rice? Although I always remain focused on whatever I do, especially cooking, I find this activity very relaxing. I sincerely would recommend it as a therapeutic activity.

Still have several hours of sleep to catch up with. Slept very soundly yesterday. My eyes were starting to close as I was writing my last post yesterday. The drinks I’d had at the pub + the hot meal I had on my return must have helped.

I intend to make the following 6 months as meaningful and enjoyable as possible. Possibly my journal-shyness will prevent me from writing all of it down, or will force me to post it as private. Well, whatever!


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