…The Musings of a Strange Guy

Long Weekend…

…awaiting me, as from tomorrow. I have started reading Warner’s Indigo this morning after a rather brief night’s (or should I say morning’s) sleep. I have been out only in the afternoon, catching up with the purchase of veggies, as I’d promised myself. I also walked a bit in the city centre, since it’s now quite a while since I last roamed freely in those parts.

This is a habit I formed a long time ago, back home. When walking the streets of the capital, or any other town, I would let myself drift, no longer actively conscious of the direction in which I was heading; feeling the ebb and flow of the crowd as it moved around me. Back home, i never used to get lost. Sure: I wouldn’t know the exact street or location I would suddenly find myself in (given my memory, that’s not surprising :p) but I would recall that I’d turned this way, and walked along that road and stopped at this place. Switching back to that semi-conscious mode, I would retrace my steps; unthinking: all ears and all eyes as I walked along – till I ultimately reached some point de repere, from where I would return to civilisation (i.e, home).

This is what I do here as well. I just let go, walking about, just looking up and down, sometimes struck by tiny details or overwhelmed by the sheer size, shape, beauty or particularity of certain buildings, streets, signs, objects, people. I regret not having taken my camera today. But this is the city; it’s still going to be here the next time I come. The eye, after all, is still humankind’s most faithful camera. Armed with imagination, what can we not achieve with what we perceive?

I was walking in that half-unthinking way of mine and nearly passed by a friend of mine, who, I’m sure must have been scandalised by my behaviour :p
She probably thought I was deliberately avoiding her or something. Indeed, had she not called out my name, I would have ambled on blithely towards my accommodation. I stopped to chat for a minute or two, and then continued on my way, ironically smiling at my own bizarre ways. I had been in another world, thinking about Friday.

Why Friday, you ask? If all goes well, then Friday night will see me in Edinburgh, Scotland, discovering yet another new definition of the expression ‘freezing cold’. This is a trip organised by the University Student Union, though here the word ‘organised’ is used very loosely here. I know that they have made arrangements for our transport and lodgings but they have made it clear that whatever happens there is up to us. The trip lasts from Friday night to Sunday night. We’ll have to check into the Caledonian Backpackers’ Hotel (a very cheerful name for a hotel – which explains the relative cheapness of the whole trip :p) as soon as we reach there but that will be all. And we also have to come back in time on Sunday in order not to miss our transport back to Leeds. I know only one person who’s going on this trip; I don’t know anyone else. It’s going to be fun. Full Stop. 🙂

My empty bag has to be packed though I don’t know yet what’s going in. It’s only for two days!! But I have been warned by everyone remotely conscious of what and how Edinburgh is to be wary of the cold, and to go prepared… So, I stand warned. Packing? As usual, I’m going to start tomorrow and still be at it a few minutes before departure :p. It’s nothing to worry about.

This morning, I encountered one of my friends from back home online on MSN: she gave me a brief update on some of my friends and acquaintances, most of whom had been in the same class as I was. Most of them have found a job and are now working (hehe, as teachers, which – knowing them – is very, very ironic). And here I am, still living life as a student, with enough time to ramble on both physically and mentally… I am not really uncomfortable, but there is a certain feeling of distance that I feel; as if an invisible cushion of air separates these friends from me. Only a few more months, and I too will be sucked in by this hectic life of employment and timetables and schedules and salaries. With great power comes great responsibility
*shudders* I’m now quoting from Spiderman!!! :O

I wonder how I will fare, with my usual distrust and disregard of rigid time-divisions. I have been in continuous education ever since I was 4 or 5. Oh, I have worked in between and know (or I think I do) how the adult world is. Yet, while this so-called adult world is something I look forward to, it also signals the closure of what might be one of the most significant (time will tell!) character-forming chapters in my life. While I have changed a lot, in various ways, there is still a central, essential ‘I’ that remains there and looks both within and outside. It transcends mere personality and character traits; sometimes, I think that this ‘I’ is all there is that is genuine about me. Will I be the same person a few years hence? I don’t know how far circumstances and personal happenings will affect me. I know the death of my grandfather more than one year ago now, has changed the way I perceived things, but has it changed me? I know there are still a lot of changes coming, both to me and my world. Much of it depends on what I do now. But I do not stress about it. I see where the road leads, but progression still has to be made when I place one foot in front of the other. I may have stumbled a few times, but have I actually fallen? I do not know yet, nor am I certain of ever knowing. I keep a constant dialogue with myself, the most visible aspect of which is translated with my frequent audible musings and questions to myself. I try not to hide myself behind pretexts and false excuses. I am my first (and perhaps most severe) critic.

But anyway…
My inner critic now tells me to stop dallying and to continue with the reading… jaldi!

Cheers all, and (in case I don’t have time to update before I go tomorrow) have a nice week-end! 🙂


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