During my research on Orwell on the net, I stumbled across The Complete Newspeak Dictionary. I guess I really ought not be laughing but some of the entries were made quite much tongue-in-cheek…
Politically Incorrect Dictionary.
The words listed here are words that are no longer usable, or whose meanings have been altered to make them difficult to use. These were all words which could be freely used at some point in US history, but which modern culture is attempting to stamp out.
Broken Home – Replaced by Dysfunctional family.
Bum – Replaced by Homeless Person.Calling a person a “Bum” implies that the person is a moocher that is too lazy to get a job. Referring to him as a “Homeless Person” removes this stigma, and implies that he would be a perfectly normal citizen if only the government would give him a house. (See :State-Socialism)
Crazy – Replaced by the term Mental Illness. And, since it is an illness, it may be treated in the same manner as other diseases – with drugs. Of course, this idea is nothing new … people have been using drugs to treat depression for centuries.
Criminal – Replaced by behaviorally challenged. This is one change that makes sense. A lot of the people in prisons today are not really “criminals” in the classic sense. Thanks to the “War on Drugs”, there are a lot of people in jail because they failed to “behave” properly.
Eastern (As when used when discussing Asian Culture) – Too Eurocentric. Instead, use Africa as your frame of reference. When discussing European culture you should now use the phase “Northern”, and when discussing Asia use the phrase “North-Eastern”. Now isn’t that better?
Factory – Replaced by Plant. The word Factory is a place where mistreated laborers toil long hours to produce pollution that billows forth from gigantic smokestacks. The word Plant is preferred since it is more difficult for this term to carry a negative connotation since this term is also used to describe nature. Its counterpart noun describes plant life (Plants, as in flowers, shrubs, etc). And the Verb form, to plant, is the process of lovingly placing a seed in the ground so it may one day grow into a mighty oak. Who can complain about having a new plant in their backyard?
Fairy – Homophobic. Replaced by Petite airborne humanoid which possesses magical powers. The term fairy should be avoided when discussing these mythical beings, regardless of how gay they may appear.
Fat – Replaced by Enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance. Of course, this is very difficult to say in one breath– so people will find it easier to not say it at all. The term “fat” is simply too short and to direct. It all too clearly points out that the reason that an obese person’s skin appears so swollen is because it is being buttressed by large amounts of… well… Fat.
Foreign Food – Replaced by Ethnic Cuisine. The word foreign is generally used when one wishes to refer to something that alien to ones own country — something that is not normally found within the jurisdiction of your own particular political unit. But with the increasing power of multinational organizations (such as the U.N. and large corporations), nothing can be said to be truly ‘foreign’ anymore. In a world where you can find a McDonald’s in Moscow, a Disneyland in Japan, or a single currency throughout Europe, the word ‘Foreign’ is losing its meaning.
The word ‘ethnic’ provides a more accurate way to refer to these cultural traits which are continually growing fainter as we move away from the world of the past, in which different areas of the world were actually unique.
Founding Fathers – Too Sexist. Instead, use the term The Founders. We wouldn’t want to exclude all those great female leaders of 18th century America would we?
Garbage Man – Replaced by Sanitation Engineer – A Garbage Man picks up garbage. A Sanitation Engineer engineers it.
Ghetto – Replaced by Economically disadvantaged area. This term is used by politicians who believe money from the Government would solve their problems. (See : State-Socialism)
Girlfriend/Wife – Replaced by Unpaid sex worker
Handicapped – Replaced by Physically Challenged, or even worse, handicapable
Home-ec (Home Economics) – Replaced by Family and Consumer Sciences, and I’m really not sure why. These classes have been taught in school since the early 1900’s after Ellen Swallow Richards, an old-time feminist and the first woman to graduate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, formed the American Home Economics Association in 1909. But I suppose that the reason for the change has something to do with the fact that Home-Ec is generally considered a ‘girly’ class, and is therefore sexist.
Housewife – Replaced by Domestic Engineer. This is to remove the necessity of marriage from the task of raising children.
Illegal Aliens – Replaced by Undocumented Immigrants. The phrase ‘Illegal Aliens’ implies that these people are a bunch of law-breaking creatures from outer space, while ‘Undocumented Immigrants’ suggests that they are good old-fashioned immigrants that simply have not gone through the hassle of being ‘documented’ yet.
Janitor – Replaced by Custodial Artist. No matter what you call it, this is a person who is paid to clean up shit.
Jungle – Replaced by Rainforest. A Rainforest is a happy place where Disney characters dance and sing … a jungle is a scary place with lions, tigers, malaria and natives that want to cut off your head and boil it for dinner… who in their right mind would want to save that!?!
Lumberjack – Replaced by Murderer.
Man’s Job and Woman’s Work – Replaced by Traditional Gender Role. These are basic practices that are followed in one form or another by most of the life forms on this planet, and have been part of human culture for thousands of years… and as with most other ‘traditions’, a lot of people believe that it is time for a change.
Midget – Replaced by Vertically Challenged.
Natural Disaster – replaced by Unnatural Event caused by man’s destruction of the environment. Every hurricane, mudslide, and flood sould be blamed on Global Warming, even though these events have been occurring for millions of years. (I’m still waiting for somebody to blame the last Ice Age on the campfires of cavemen)
Nigger – Originally, A negro Slave. Has evolved to mean “A Trashy or devious Negro”, but the word has still lost acceptance. (see : White Trash)
Psycho – Replaced by Pathologically High-Spirited
Secretary – Replaced by Administrative Assistant – The word Secretary comes from Latin and means ‘Confidential Officer’ – And for some unknown reason this is a bad thing.
Sex Change – Replaced by gender re-assignment.
Swamp – Replaced by Wetland. Swamps are full alligators, bugs, and disease. If anybody went around saying that we need to “save the swamps”, people would think they were out of their friggin’ mind!
Trailer Park – Replace by Mobile Home Community.
Ugly – Replaced by Visually Challenging.
White Trash – Losers of European descent. Term still in acceptance, although its counterpart term to describe trash of the negro race is being eliminated.